Welcome to our annual roast of the Masters Dinner, where the menu is chosen by last year’s victor and the humor is as rich as the dessert. This year, Jon Rahm, the man whose biceps are almost as impressive as his swing, decided to take us on a culinary journey to his homeland with a menu that screams, “I’m from the Basque Country, and I’m here to feed you like you’ve just finished 18 holes… uphill… in the rain.
A Masterful Menu
First up, we’ve got a lineup of tapas and pintxos that are harder to pronounce than most players’ names on the leaderboard. From Iberico ham (which, by the way, costs more per pound than most of us make in an hour) to Idiazabal cheese with black truffle (because why have regular cheese when you can have it with truffle and make everyone else feel poor?), Rahm’s starter selection had us wondering if we were at a Masters Dinner or a Michelin-starred restaurant in San Sebastián.
Main Course Matchplay: Steak vs. Fish
For the main course, Rahm threw down the gauntlet with a choice between Chuleton a la Parrilla and Rodaballo al Pil-Pil. That’s right, folks: steak or fish, a decision as tough as choosing between hitting a driver or an iron off the tee on a short par 4. Rahm described the fish dish with the kind of passion we usually reserve for explaining why we missed that last putt, and the steak? Well, let’s just say if your steak is cooked more than medium rare, you might as well be wearing a sign that says, “I also clap when the plane lands.
Grandma Rahm’s Stew
Let’s not forget the lentil stew, a recipe so sacred Rahm had to phone his grandmother for it. The pressure was on – if this dish flopped, it wouldn’t just be a culinary misstep; it’d be a family scandal worthy of a soap opera plotline. Rahm joked about not wanting to hear if anyone didn’t like it, but let’s be real, in the world of golf, where whispers about slow play can cause a stir, a bad review of Grandma’s stew would be like yelling during a backswing.
Slice of Life
Then there’s the dessert – Milhojas de Crema y Nata, essentially a wedding cake because nothing says “I won the Masters” like serving a bunch of grown men in green jackets your wedding dessert. Rahm’s choice here is a sweet reminder of his big day, though we’re left wondering if there were any objections or if everyone just shouted, Fore!
The Speech Hazard
Rahm also teased about the daunting task of giving a speech to a room full of golfing legends, a challenge he likened to facing a tough shot out of the bunker. Knowing Rahm, he probably navigated it with the same skill and finesse, though we can’t help but imagine him using a sand wedge to get his point across.
Toast to the Host
We salute Jon Rahm for his Masters Dinner menu that’s going to bring the flavors of the Basque Country to Augusta, served with a side of good humor. Here’s to next year’s dinner, where we can only hope the champion brings as much personality to the menu as Rahm did. Until then, keep swinging, and may your steaks be seared, your putts be short, and your golf roasts be ever hilarious.